Cement Feet

I have a compulsive need to share my vulnerable heart.

You'd never know it (because I am, undeniably, an introvert).

That said, I crave fellowship. I love relationship. But mostly, I don't just desire time with people-- I want safe authenticity with precious, spirit-nourishing, together life-living friends.

But when I can't open up (for reasons beyond my control)...

It's like my feet are cemented to the ground.

(Photo credit)

I can't move. I'm bolted down. My lips are shackled. Life pauses.

And I'm lonely.

BUT...

"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end...and I will turn away your captivity." Jeremiah 29:11, 14 (KJV)

I will pry these feet from the mire and stride confidently on.

...in due time.

The Now vs The Normal

I like life neat and tidy.

I do.

But there's just one little problem;

It's not.

(period.)

Remember this post? I'm still working on mastering intentionality. If I'm honest, I'll just throw my right hand up and admit right now that I always will be. There are moments when I feel so overwhelmed that I'm not even sure what to be intentional about.

Sometimes it feels like my little box of life is all wrapped up in shiny paper with a picture-perfect bow on top. Other times, I feel like the package was ransacked by wide-eyed toddler on Christmas morning. And it takes less than a minute to go from one extreme to the other--both literally and figuratively.

When I start to feel like things are a getting messy, I have a nasty little tendency to just hit the "pause" button. The problem is that I can't pause life, or I'll miss living in the process. I'll miss friendships. I'll miss opportunities. I'll miss...so much.

Our life has been quite a ride over the past year, and it isn't over yet. Even though "normal" (aka "neat" and "tidy") is good for my psyche, I can't allow my life to only function in that mode. Life, even the abnormal, just isn't worth missing.

So here it is, my confession to you all: I'm working at being intentional in the NOW and not waiting for the NORMAL.

(And just so you know...It physically pains me to type that. Sigh...confession over. Is it time for bed yet?)