Dirty Dreams {Part 2}

Ok, so that "(to be continued tomorrow)" statement didn't work out so well. One thing that I'm learning about blogging is that you have to go with something when you feel like sharing (and perhaps not commit to a part 2 unless you're certain you're ready to write.)

You've probably noticed that along this ride that we've called the past 2.5 years, I've been enjoying some time sitting down at the sewing machine. I've NEVER EVER EVER used the term "creative" to describe myself. And yet, there is something freeing and beautiful that creating has brought out of my heart. I can't articulate what it is.

Maybe it's a freedom to feel comfortable enjoying something without having a plan of action in place for what to do with that creative outlet. Or maybe it's because it has birthed a dream in my heart. A dream without an eternal purpose (that I can see yet). And for once, I don't feel like I'm wasting anything by nurturing this dream-seed. In fact, it may even find a place to plant eventually.

Do I want to change the world? Sure. Vision itself isn't bad or wrong, but it can throw dreams by the wayside. There's a stark difference between guilt and conviction. I think I've often confused the two over the past ten years. I think that for now I'm ready to change the world heart-to-heart and person-to-person. After all Jesus said, "Give a cool cup of water to someone who is thirsty, for instance. The smallest act of giving or receiving makes you a true apprentice. You won't lose out on a thing." Matthew 10:42 (MSG)

In the meantime, while I do my best to live like Jesus,  I'm going to let my heart be light and shake off the idea that I can't live with purpose while entertaining a dream.

I'm fairly certain that this quilt I stumbled upon on Pinterest sums me up nicely. I'm also pretty sure that my heart dreams in happy fabric hearts. Who knows, maybe if you just allow yourself some room to dream, the vision will follow? We'll see.

Source: flickr.com via Kirsten on Pinterest

Dirty Dreams {Part 1}

I've never paid much attention to dreams. Those faux wood wall decor pieces reading "Dream" in a sweet swirly script-- not interested. And I'm not talking about the standard once-your-head-hits-the-pillow kind of dreams either. I'm talking about the kind that your mind wanders toward when you're washing the dishes or putting away laundry. The dreams that make the mundane bearable because this tiny secret hope is tucked away deep in your heart. Unfortunately, I never really had that *dream* to keep me company. But I had vision.

Now vision, vision meant everything. Depth. Greatness. Purpose. Drive. Changing-the-world-style vision. That's what I had. It was drilled into me. Day-in and day-out for a full year it was hammered into my vernacular so much so that I measured the worth of others by the extent of their "vision" too.

It was ugly. It was consuming. And I can't say that it really spurred me on to love people the way that Jesus loves people. What it did was cause me anxiety over figuring out how I could someday love people by living out my bigger-than-life, move-to-the-other-side-of-the-world, filled-with-purpose vision.

I missed out on dreams because I had "tunnel" vision.

After all, dreams were without vision and void of purpose, right? Since dreams distracted us from vision, I couldn't waste my thoughts, my time or my life on dreams without feeling intensely guilty. So by the time I was 20, my dreams were shelved in lieu of a vision-filled mission. Dreaming became dirty. Almost shameful. I didn't even realize that I was missing out on anything.

But I was...

(to be continued tomorrow)

On Vision- Part 3 {Day 6}

Let's wrap this up today.

I'm not actually "done" with this topic, in fact, my thoughts on vision are still in the early [re]formative stage. A few years ago, I would have slapped you with my opinion like a 1-2 punch. Agree or disagree, I thought I had this idea down for the count.

What I've learned: I simply don't.

Vision isn't the destination or the finality of your dream. Vision is your view as you travel along on your journey.

Fulfilling your "vision" isn't the moment when your talent lands you at the top. It's feeling the wind in your hair as you keep running forward.

I've found that striving for the final goal keeps me from walking with purpose today, because it's "end-game or bust." But that's such a lie.

If you're dream is to be a missionary. Don't sit at home until you finally have the opportunity to pack it all up and move to Guatemala. Be a missionary in the midst of your ordinary-everyday life. Really. That is NOT a cop out. I used to think that it was. I was WRONG. It's not. More people need your touch than just the ones waiting at the finish line, even though the people at the end are equally important- and trust me, I'm cheering you on every step of the way!

So you wanna be a writer? Start writing. Blog. Journal. Freelance. Volunteer your talents. Just keep doing what you love. Fall in love with the process, not the finished product. If the book deal comes, awesome! Just remember that arriving at your goal isn't the same as arriving at the destination. Because what's left if your motivation has nothing to do with the love of the experience, but rather the exhilaration of the prize? Really, then what next?

It's OK to take one step at a time. It's OK to let the seasons of your life shape your dreams.

We want to adopt eventually. That's a dream of ours. But more importantly, we are learning to care about the orphans crisis. We're not willing to sit back and believe that bringing our precious one home is the beginning and end of our heart-dreams. We can do something now. We can advocate for others. We can help raise funds. We can pray. We can listen to stories. We can allow our hearts to keep growing. If all that mattered to us was bringing home "our" child, well, frankly, I think we would have missed the point of this dream.

And I think that we did. For a far too long, we simply missed THE point. Our "big" dreams minimized the simple act of living well and with intention. And the by-product of that compromised opinion minimized other people who didn't appear to dream "big enough" from our limited view. Oh how my heart grieves our wrong attitudes.

Our vision, for now...is to keep moving forward. To quite literally BeChange and LiveLove-- right where we are via whatever vehicles the Lord chooses.

Let your vision motivate you, but don't wait until you're at the finish line to determine your worth. You are oh so precious...just as you are.

On Vision- Part 2 {Day 3}

My dreams grew and grew. Women's ministry. Speaking throughout the country. Traveling. Writing. Climbing the proverbial corporate ladder. Doing something/anything/everything bigger than myself. All of these ideas hovered just slightly beyond my grasp, yet close enough to taste. But those hurdles didn't matter, I felt empowered. More than just feeling empowered, I was destined to fulfill a mandate because I was responding to a charge:

Change the world.

(But not my world or the world within my reach-- because that vision wouldn't be enough, would it? Would it?)

Heal hurts. Affect change. Facilitate restoration...in HUGE life altering, earth shattering ways. That's what I was taught. It was my sole measurement for success. If I didn't pursue those dreams, did I lack vision? What I didn't know then, in all of my teenage glory, was that I was handed a license to dream freely without the compasses of wisdom, perspective or temperance.

I navigated my way through college, marriage and welcoming our son into the world just six short months after I had my Bachelor's degree in hand. And on that first night at home with our soft and sweet baby boy, the glaring hot spotlights on every dream and every vision that I had ever regarded as the only noteworthy "callings" for my life began to flicker and dim.

On Vision- Part 1 {Day 2}

There was a time in my life when I spent my days and nights worrying dreaming about "my vision." Some of you reading this know *exactly* what I'm talking about without me even typing another word. It was programmed into us: Remember "Without vision, people perish," and "What's the one thing that you HAVE to do before you die?"-- and somewhere along the way, it became the measuring rod of success in my life.

The thing is, as noble as that charge was, at 17, 18 or 19 years old, how do you know? Don't get me wrong (bear with me while I insert my obligatory caveat), I believe that we can have a dream and even know at a young age what the Lord is asking us to pursue in our lives. After all, I want that for my children too. But what I also know is that 1 internship, 365 daily quiet times and 2 fasting and prayer retreats later, the dream that I was so passionate to pursue at age 20 died as new seasons of my life sprang to life. And ironically, it really wasn't "the death of a dream," but rather, "the death of a neat idea."

While those same seasons gave birth to new dreams, somehow those new dreams erroneously felt ignoble in comparison. And I couldn't quite shake that what I was living...the new dream that I was pursing...it just surely wasn't enough. After all, if I could imagine it, then I obviously wasn't dreaming big enough for God, right?

(Stay tuned for more. I'm not sure how long we'll stay on this topic, but let me assure you from the start that this messages isn't anti-"dreaming dreams." On the contrary, it's about visioneering with wisdom, but we'll get to that later. ;))