Sunday, February 19, 2012

The Dreaming and the Doing

Admittedly, I spend too much a lot of time filling up on great ideas. They suck me in. They beg me to grab them and get ready to run. So I do.

I line up at the block. I set my focus on what's ahead. And when the whistle blows, I'm off and on my way. Darting toward the finish.

LSE Sports Day, Malden Sports Ground, c1920s

But then something happens almost every single time after the race has begun. I look to my left or to my right. I become distracted. I get bored. Overwhelmed. Anxious. Afraid. Tired. I forget my motivation, so I just stop and drop the baton mid-race. I don't even pass it off for someone else to carry.

If I'm honest, I'll also admit that I've usually left room to justify my reasons for dropping the baton. Before I even began the race, I unwittingly plotted away at my exit strategy. After all, if I wasn't entirely committed in the first place, then I really didn't quit or give up on anything anyway. *shrug* Nonchalance. A defense for my own self-doubt.

What I'm beginning to discover is that if I spend my time doing {no matter how tiny the project or task} that it helps me to better filter my dreaming too. Some of those ideas really aren't good-- at least for me. I'm a realist. But if I try it and finish it at least once, then I can better sort through what I love to do versus what was simply a neat idea. After I've tried,  I can hone in on what makes me tick and look for what ideas beget more/better ideas? A sweet cycle of joy emerges in the process.

I wrote recently that I never ever considered myself a creative person-- and it's true. I didn't. But now, I don't know. I feel a little bit like a creative fraud. That since I never really dreamed it, that surely it couldn't be. That a painting, a sunset, a stack of fabric, a clothing design, a splash of unexpected color on an old barn...that surely just because it evokes something in me doesn't mean I'm creative, right? Or does it?

Did God create me to create? I'm still dreaming. Only now I'm working on doing too. I couldn't be more thankful for the opportunity to just soak it all up and enjoy the new work that God is creating in me. All I know for sure is that an adventure lies ahead, and it's bound to be good.

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