Dirty Dreams {Part 2}

Ok, so that "(to be continued tomorrow)" statement didn't work out so well. One thing that I'm learning about blogging is that you have to go with something when you feel like sharing (and perhaps not commit to a part 2 unless you're certain you're ready to write.)

You've probably noticed that along this ride that we've called the past 2.5 years, I've been enjoying some time sitting down at the sewing machine. I've NEVER EVER EVER used the term "creative" to describe myself. And yet, there is something freeing and beautiful that creating has brought out of my heart. I can't articulate what it is.

Maybe it's a freedom to feel comfortable enjoying something without having a plan of action in place for what to do with that creative outlet. Or maybe it's because it has birthed a dream in my heart. A dream without an eternal purpose (that I can see yet). And for once, I don't feel like I'm wasting anything by nurturing this dream-seed. In fact, it may even find a place to plant eventually.

Do I want to change the world? Sure. Vision itself isn't bad or wrong, but it can throw dreams by the wayside. There's a stark difference between guilt and conviction. I think I've often confused the two over the past ten years. I think that for now I'm ready to change the world heart-to-heart and person-to-person. After all Jesus said, "Give a cool cup of water to someone who is thirsty, for instance. The smallest act of giving or receiving makes you a true apprentice. You won't lose out on a thing." Matthew 10:42 (MSG)

In the meantime, while I do my best to live like Jesus,  I'm going to let my heart be light and shake off the idea that I can't live with purpose while entertaining a dream.

I'm fairly certain that this quilt I stumbled upon on Pinterest sums me up nicely. I'm also pretty sure that my heart dreams in happy fabric hearts. Who knows, maybe if you just allow yourself some room to dream, the vision will follow? We'll see.

Source: flickr.com via Kirsten on Pinterest

Pizza with Jesus {Day 12}

This morning I was scanning my feed reader when I clicked on this giveaway by the Pioneer Woman (who doesn't love Ree?). To enter the giveaway, each person just needed to leave a comment answering this question:

If you could have dinner with one person throughout the history of time, whom would it be?

I contemplated my imaginary dinner date for a moment, and I just about answered with someone reasonable like Ronald Regan or Hatshepsut (yes, I really AM a geek at heart). And then something stopped me cold in my tracks. Who did I really want to have dinner with?

I want to have dinner with Jesus.

My disdain for mainstream rhetoric just about made me recoil from my own response. I mean, really... dinner with Jesus? It's cliche at best and obnoxious at worst. But it was honest.

Any other dinner date that I could have picked would entertain me with their stories, fascinate me with their fame, or move me with their charitable promulgations. But not him...

He would challenge me by his love.

Pure and simple. He would teach me how to love others by sharing his own vulnerability and genuine concern with me over a steamy pizza pie. He would challenge my theology. He would shatter my norms. He would make me uncomfortable. And he would do it wrapped in a package of perfect love-- you know, the kind of love that would keep me from being afraid of confronting my deepest inadequacies. (The kind of conversations we typically squirm away from in our "normal" everyday lives.)

But I would leave that dinner date completely, entirely and utterly whole and fulfilled, knowing that even though he issued challenged and posed dangerous questions, that He loved me perfectly just as I am.

One little question from the Pioneer Woman became the best "quiet time" prompt that I could have ever read. It tugged on my heart all day long.

So the next time we (yep-- YOU AND ME) go out for dinner, a vanilla coke or dessert, I honestly hope that I look a lot like Jesus. Because I sure do think that He would make a great pizza date.

PS. Yes, I do, indeed, imagine Sayid from Lost every.single.time I imagine Jesus. And no, not because his character exemplified Christ by any means either. Just roll with it...

BIGGEST.NEWS. EVER!!!!

(and even that isn't quite emphatic enough...)


Tonight, July 6, 2010-- The angels rejoiced-- moreover, they partied like it was 1999 (or something like that) as they inscribed the name "Peyton Calloway Smith" in the Book of Life!!!!

This is for you my son:

Dearest Peyton,

From the moment God placed you in my womb, I've prayed for your heart to belong completely and fully to Him. Even though I want to hold you close, hear your giggles, kiss your sweet cheeks and listen to your boundless questions every single day that I have left on this Earth, my heart knows that you are mine to hold only for a season. And when that season ends, I've longed to know that we will be together on the other side of eternity.

Tonight, my deepest prayer for your life was answered. You decided that you want to be God's friend and commit your entire life to loving Him and making His love known to the world. You have asked so many deep and introspective questions for such a long time. Yet, even though you asked question after question-- and told us repeatedly that you loved Jesus-- you knew that something was incomplete. And so you kept seeking. You kept praying. You trusted us to share everything that we know about our Father with you-- and we did, we are and we ALWAYS will.

Tonight you and Daddy sat out on the back porch with a caramel Drumstick and you asked some very pointed questions about being baptized. Daddy patiently answered your questions.

When it came time for me to tuck you in, you told me that you wanted to say the "special" prayer. I checked and made certain that you understood what it meant-- that "the prayer" in and of itself is just words, but the commitment that you make in your heart to enlist in God's army (just like Teddy in Teddy's Button) means everything.

You went and got Daddy and we all three sat on your bed as you shared your heart with us. Daddy helped guide the words of your heart-- and you responded with the most sincere acknowledgment in prayer that I have ever seen from you, precious son. As I sat beside you, holding your hand, and with tears streaming down my face, I realized that *this* is why I am a mommy. To lead you to the heart of God-- and to be an example of how we, together, help lead other people to Him too.

Afterward, you were smiling the BIGGEST smile ever. It was a new smile-- and it was contagious. You were giddy with excitement. You told me that God gave you your new smile.

You asked if you could call Halley [Skidmore] tomorrow to tell her, and I said, "of course." You also asked if Pastor Randy could baptize you. Since we are all the way down in Texas right now, this is going to be QUITE the undertaking, BUT it is soooo worth it. We'll do everything that we can to make it happen-- I pinky promise, Peyton!

Next, you called Mama and Papa (more phone calls are coming in the morning-- Jeremy and I were in the middle of a conference call so we couldn't share the news personally with anyone else tonight) and they had just prayed for you when they crawled into bed. Isn't that awesome?

To cap off the night, as I was leaving your room, you asked, "Is God in it [my heart] now?" To which I replied,"He sure is!" You (in your typical Peyton-y way) responded, "I guess He's moving all of His stuff in!"

And you couldn't be more right.

I love you. I am so proud of you. The Holy Spirit working in your heart will transform your life. What an adventure we have ahead. I'm in for the entire ride-- always and forever...for all of eternity.

Love~
Your favorite mommy

PS Daddy said that was the most important ice cream dessert ever!