Welcome, welcome 2012!

I can honestly say that I have never, ever, ever been so thankful to see a year pass. I don't tend to be one who wishes away time or looks so forward to the future that I forget to live in the moment, but that said, "SO LONG 2011!" Adios, au revoir, sayonara.

2012, I welcome the fresh start that you bring! I woke up with "no brush necessary" hair, the sun poked out from behind the clouds and both children are peacefully napping. I'd say that all signs point to "it's going to be a fantabulous year."

In keeping with the fresh start, I've decided reinvigorate the blog. It isn't a resolution, it's just that I want an outlet for my heart and I really do enjoy sharing on this blog. Truth be told, the past three years have changed me so much that I'm a little hesitant to step back out and reintroduce myself. But I've come to the conclusion that it's either hide away or open up. I (still a little hesitantly) choose the latter.

So these are my terms and conditions: I commit to be vulnerable, honest and open with you. Please remember that the things that I share come directly from a very fragile and recovering heart. My posts are not up for debate. Of course, we don't have to share the same thoughts, opinions or ideas, but I won't ever go on the defensive. I will always graciously and openly appreciate our differences.

My heart is spilling over with gratitude for the way the Lord has rescued us this year. So this year as I blog I think I'll include in many posts an ongoing list of the things that I'm thankful for.

1. Holidays with my family

 

2. Clouds- they make me appreciate the sunshine 

3. A warm house

4. Vacuum cleaner attachments

5. Strawberry raspberry vanilla iced tea

6. The Message version of the Bible

7. Toothless grins 

8. "Friday night" friends

9. My Nana and Papa

10. Encouragement from long-distance friends

Faith and Thankfulness in the Shadow of a Slow Heartache

I've had this post percolating in my heart all day long. While I'd rather not turn it into a blog entry for mass consumption, I can't ignore the pull to let the words spill from my spirit onto a blank canvas.

Here's the thing. I'm an eternal optimist. I don't struggle with faith in general. I take the promises in the Word and snuggle them up close to my heart. I believe them. I trust them. I'm not afraid that they won't bloom in due time-- because spring always comes-- even after the harshest winter.

But it's been a hard 2.5 years. At the end of the first year, I was saying, "It's been a LONG year." As year two closed in, I lamented, "What a rough two years! I'll be so thankful when we can move on." As we push toward year three in the mire, I can't help but feel a little battle weary.

Our journey has been so long and our story so very complicated. If I could put it into words, it would read more like fiction than reality. Only it's not. We've lived and breathed every last minute of it. And now, as the holidays near, I feel completely justified in throwing myself a little pity party as we're still waiting for a door to open for a new position for Jeremy.

In the midst of our lengthy season, my eyes have been opened wide to the needs that exist in the world. The hurt. The pain. The loneliness. The sadness. This season I am thankful for God's protection over our family and for the provision necessary to get us through this time. But this year too, I recognize how very difficult it is for so many people to find things to feel thankful for during the holidays. For once, I sort of understand why this season churns up feelings of just wanting to button up your heart and hide it away until the new year knocks on the door.

I don't want to do that. Well...not exactly. But I do see very plainly that for every single thing that I am thankful for this year, it's difficult to not recognize a lack of sorts too. I'm not saying (or even implying) that it's a bad thing to focus solely on our thankfulness, or that I'm not. I praise God moment by moment for His abundant blessings in my life-- of which there are so many. But this year, I do feel a little raw, vulnerable, sensitive and even a little disappointed.

So this season I'm going to invite God's promise to "work all things together for the good" (Rom. 8:28) to come alive in ways that I didn't ever expect. I will cling to faith that He has good plans for our family (Jeremiah 29:11-14). And I will do my best to choose thankfulness at every turn. This will be my final song:

You did it: you changed wild lament into whirling dance; You ripped off my black mourning band and decked me with wildflowers. I'm about to burst with song; I can't keep quiet about you. God, my God, I can't thank you enough. Psalm 30:11-12 (MSG)

Not Forgotten

Dear Blog,

I needed to drop in tonight simply to make my presence known. I promise that I have not forgotten about you or our blissful days together before the big move from Texas to Indiana. Right now my life isn't so conducive to blogging away for hours. However, hope is on the horizon! I look forward to returning soon with great new fodder to fuel our friendship. Please wait patiently. I will return. Cross my heart.

Missing you,
~Kirsten